pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
