Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
