just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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