if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
