I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
