I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
