Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
