i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
