So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
