Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
