His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
