Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
