Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
