Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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