How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
