Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
