I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
