I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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