Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
