the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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