So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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