I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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