You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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