I wanna passion pit in your ass
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
