i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
