Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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