i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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