we have officially lost it.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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