My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
