he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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