i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
