You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
