I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
