WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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