nut hugger
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
