I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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