Buhtt sex?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
