Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
