I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
