Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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