I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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