I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
