i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
