omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
