Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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