What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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