That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
