If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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