just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
