I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
