Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
