How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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