i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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