Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
