Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
